Does Jane Forgive Bingley Too Easily?

Sometimes I have trouble with how easily Jane forgives Bingley—and I wonder if this is valid or just my modern take on it. 

On the one hand, Bingley is kind, hot, rich, and single.  This checks all of the boxes for both Regency and modern women. 

But then he ghosts her!  For eight months!  This unchecks all my boxes as a women in the 21^st century.  Were there different rules in the Regency era?  Or is eight months still eight months? 

Time to take a closer look at this one: Was Jane smart to forgive Bingley, or was she a doormat?  Let’s start with the timeline.

The Timeline

Jane and Bingley meet in October of 1811.  During this month, Jane dances four dances with him (two sets at the Meryton assembly, which Mrs. Bennet tells us is a big deal), dines in his company four times, and sees him one morning at his house. 

In November, Jane visits Netherfield on a Tuesday, falls ill, and stays there until Sunday—almost a week.  They also see each other at the Netherfield ball, where they end the night “standing together a little detached from the rest, and talk[ing] only to each other.”  (Wink, wink.)

Bingley leaves in December, claiming it will be a short trip, and Jane thinks he might return with a ring.

Then he ghosts her until September—eight months.

Don’t you wish we could hear Bingley and Jane’s reconciliation conversation instead of the secondhand version Jane tells Elizabeth?  What did he say, and did Jane give him any pushback or just fall into his arms?  I’m worried she did the latter.  Here’s my impression of that conversation:

Bingley: Sorry about that whole disappearing for eight months thing.  Funny story—my friends told me you didn’t like me!  So I just up and left for almost a year!  Ha ha! 

Jane: That is so funny!  I was utterly heartbroken, certain I’d die a spinster, and terrified my family would lose our home!  So hilarious!

Bingley: You would have been starving on the streets!  Too funny!

Why does Jane take him back?

But maybe I’m being too hard on Jane.  I know she has her Regency reasons for taking Bingley back.  Let’s look at those.

1. She can’t let her family down.

After Mr. Bennet’s death, Jane’s family will need money, and a dutiful daughter doesn’t have the luxury of saying no to a rich man.  Maybe I’m being too modern about this, thinking Jane has the power of choice, when what’s most important is financial security for her loved ones.  Jane knows this too: Immediately following Bingley’s proposal, she thinks first of her family, saying, “I must go instantly to my mother…I would not on any account trifle with her affectionate solicitude, or allow her to hear it from anyone but myself.”  She then adds, “Oh, Lizzy, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family.”  As readers, we are happy for Jane’s love story, but Jane tells us the real happy ending here is for her mother and sisters.

And Jane’s right—her engagement solves all of her family’s financial worries.  I want her to make Bingley work harder for forgiveness, but I suspect I’m being naïve.  More likely Bingley walked in the door, and Jane said, “You had me at five thousand pounds.”

2. It was hard to meet a nice man in the British countryside.

In an era when women had so few rights, being married to a kind man must have determined so much of a woman’s fate.  It seems unlikely that another nice man of marriageable age was going to wander into this country neighborhood, so if Jane wants a happy life, she needs to lock this one down.  After all, if she doesn’t forgive him, another woman will.  Maybe Jane was angry, but she knew she had to bite her tongue.  I like to think that, 15 years into the marriage, Bingley came home late one night and said, “Sorry.  I should have called.”  Then Jane said, “Totally fine!  But you know when else you should have called?  WHEN YOU SAID YOU’D BE BACK SOON AND THEN LEFT FOR EIGHT MONTHS.”

3. She has to marry someone.

As Charlotte shows us, a woman has to marry if she wants financial security and a comfortable home.  Jane knows must marry to have an income.  If she could go to college or start a business, maybe she would have.  But all she has is marriage, and Bingley is her best option.

The Debate Between Elizabeth and Darcy

Darcy and Elizabeth debate Bingley’s personality, and it becomes one of the questions of the book: Is Bingley’s malleability something to praise or censure?

My gut is censure.  Darcy and Caroline tell Bingley Jane’s not interested, and that’s it for him.  He walks away from the woman he was about to propose to, without even a conversation.  My modern take: This guy’s pretty malleable.

But Elizabeth calls this modesty: “He made a little mistake, to be sure; but it is to the credit of his modesty,” she says.

Interesting point, Elizabeth. Bingley’s departure shows he’s not so arrogant as to assume that a woman like Jane will fall at his feet because of five thousand pounds.  (Contrast this with Darcy, who does assume it, and Elizabeth does not find it charming.)

Darcy, on the other hand, remarks on how easy it is to persuade Bingley.  He tells Bingley, “If, as you were mounting your horse, a friend were to say, ‘Bingley, you had better stay till next week,’ you would probably do it—you would probably not go—and, at another word, might stay a month.”

Or eight months.  Pretty powerful point, here.

Mr. Bennet adds his thoughts on both Bingley and Jane’s malleable natures: “You are each of you so complying, that nothing will ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat you; and so generous, that you will always exceed your income.”

He, too, worries Bingley is too easy to manipulate and cheat.

But Elizabeth is ready to defend Bingley again.  She praises him for being willing “to yield readily—easily—to the persuasion of a friend.”

There’s the Bingley debate in a nutshell.  Do we call Bingley’s malleability modesty, and are we happy he values the advice of his friends?  Or, as Darcy and Mr. Bennet say, do we worry this makes him easy to manipulate?

The Verdict

Elizabeth tells us not to pick apart Bingley’s mistakes or question Jane’s forgiveness because, in a very Shakespearean take on it, all’s well that ends well.  Elizabeth, reflecting on Bingley and Jane’s happy ending, says: “And this…is the end of all his friend’s anxious circumspection! of all his sister’s falsehood and contrivance! the happiest, wisest, and most reasonable end!” 

Jane and Bingley marry, and that’s the best ending.  Yes, Elizabeth.  It definitely is.    Bingley, I forgive you.  But, Jane, I’m still hoping you smiled at your wedding, threw your bouquet, then climbed into your getaway carriage and turned to Bingley and said, “Let’s talk about those eight months; shall we?”   

Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your comments below.

More posts to check out:

Why Entail an Estate Anyway?

6 Things You Never Knew About Colin Firth’s Iconic Lake Scene (The Last One Will Blow Your Mind!)

If Austen Characters Owned Pets: Matching Characters with Pets that Fit Their Personalities

Why You Should Marry Your Cousin: Regency Rules of Courtship

How Did the Regency Upper Class Stay So Thin?