The following post is satire, I love Pride & Prejudice. This is only meant to highlight some of the merits of Jane Austen’s other works in an amusing way. And in fact, you should always read Pride & Prejudice again, why not?
Here is EVERYTHING WRONG with Pride & Prejudice and why you should read a different Austen novel instead.
The proposal scenes are totally unbalanced. We get every single CRINGEWORTHY word of Mr. Collins’s terrible proposal, we get exactly one line of Darcy and then “he spoke well” but what did he SAY Miss Austen? Cruel authoress! And there is absolutely nothing from the cutest couple: Jane Bennet and Charles Bingley. Do you know they never even have a single line of quoted dialogue between them?
Want the outpouring of the main character’s heart? Try Persuasion
Too many coincidences! Unless Mr. Darcy is a time traveler or a seer, there is no way he can always show up at exactly the right time. He arrives when Georgiana is about to elope, comes one day early so he can run into Elizabeth at Pemberley, and walks in THE VERY MOMENT when Elizabeth reads the letter from Jane about Wickham and Lydia. And I’m not even going to get into how very convenient it is that Elizabeth’s estranged cousin knows Darcy’s aunt. Try harder Jane Austen!
To read a book without as many coincidences, try Mansfield Park.
For a “strong” heroine, Elizabeth Bennet faces almost no real difficulties. Elinor Dashwood has to deal with her father’s death, but Mr. Bennet just goes on living. Fanny Price must stand strong after rejecting a proposal against everyone she knows and loves, but Elizabeth has her father and sister’s support after rejecting Mr. Collins. Anne must wait 8 years to be reunited with her true love, Elizabeth waits like 5 weeks. Catherine Morland must travel alone all the way home from Northanger Abbey and wait six months for Henry’s father to approve their marriage, Elizabeth always travels accompanied and marries as soon as she wishes. Emma has to spend weeks convincing her father that marriage to Knightley is a good idea, Mr. Bennett consents before his daughter even talks to him. It’s easy to be strong when nothing bad ever happens to you, Elizabeth!
You want real strength, read Sense & Sensibility or Mansfield Park!
Darcy is the least likeable leading man in existence. He makes fun of the Bennets behind their backs, he’s arrogant, he’s snobby, he’s a know-it-all, and he thinks he has the right to make decisions about his friends’ love lives. He is so terrible at flirting that Elizabeth spends half of the book thinking that he hates her. Okay… even I can’t go this far when Rochester and Heathcliff are like, right there. Let’s just say Darcy needs some serious work at the beginning.
If you want a really lovable leading man, try Northanger Abbey. Henry Tilney forever!
Pride & Prejudice is not long or conclusive enough! I need far more pride and extended prejudice. Why can we not learn the fates of Georgiana, Kitty, and Mary? Why only two measly weddings at the end of the book? I know Jane Austen is capable of three!
For a longer book that leaves every single eligible character married, try Emma.
Good heroines are passe, anti-heroines is where it’s really at! People may claim that Elizabeth is sassy and insulting, but she’s honestly very polite most of the time. How boring!
Try Lady Susan for delicious evil out of your leading lady.
Don’t forget Emma, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park, Sense & Sensibility, Persuasion, and even Lady Susan. If you’ve finished them all, there are the novel fragments and juvenilia! There is so much more Austen to enjoy!
More:
Edward Ferrars: Love for an Underappreciated Austen Man
Emma Woodhouse is a Lovable Heroine (to me, at least)
Jane Austen’s Brave Refusal to Reform the Rake
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