She is the queen of character assassination. Her own characters that is.
Here are some of my favourite Jane Austen take-downs, where the narrator destroys a character:
Mr. Collins, Pride & Prejudice:
The stupidity with which he was favoured by nature must guard his courtship from any charm that could make a woman wish for its continuance; and Miss Lucas, who accepted him solely from the pure and disinterested desire of an establishment, cared not how soon that establishment were gained.
Dick Musgrove, Persuasion:
He had, in fact, though his sisters were now doing all they could for him, by calling him “poor Richard,” been nothing better than a thick-headed, unfeeling, unprofitable Dick Musgrove, who had never done anything to entitle himself to more than the abbreviation of his name, living or dead.
Note: This is not a dick joke, it’s a Dick joke. At this time, “dick” didn’t have any sexual connotation, it would mean something like the phrase, “any Tom, Dick, or Harry” or “an unremarkable man”
Mrs. Allen, Northanger Abbey:
Mrs. Allen was one of that numerous class of females, whose society can raise no other emotion than surprise at there being any men in the world who could like them well enough to marry them. She had neither beauty, genius, accomplishment, nor manner. The air of a gentlewoman, a great deal of quiet, inactive good temper, and a trifling turn of mind were all that could account for her being the choice of a sensible, intelligent man like Mr. Allen.
Margaret, Sense & Sensibility:
Margaret, the other sister, was a good-humored, well-disposed girl; but as she had already imbibed a good deal of Marianne’s romance, without having much of her sense, she did not, at thirteen, bid fair to equal her sisters at a more advanced period of life.
Jane Austen: This particular thirteen year old will never amount to anything.
Mrs. Ferrars, Sense & Sensibility:
She was not a woman of many words; for, unlike people in general, she proportioned them to the number of her ideas; and of the few syllables that did escape her, not one fell to the share of Miss Dashwood, whom she eyed with the spirited determination of disliking her at all events.
So Mrs. Ferrars has an empty head and therefore doesn’t speak. Then you realize that it’s a back-handed compliment, because we also see people without ideas in their head who drone on and on (Mr. Collins for example). Which means that Austen has managed to roast a good portion of the human population in one sentence.
John Thorpe, Northanger Abbey:
He was a stout young man of middling height, who, with a plain face and ungraceful form, seemed fearful of being too handsome unless he wore the dress of a groom, and too much like a gentleman unless he were easy where he ought to be civil, and impudent where he might be allowed to be easy.
John Thorpe, ugly, awkward, poorly-dressed, and rude. What is there to like?
John & Fanny Dashwood, Sense & Sensibility:
He was not an ill-disposed young man, unless to be rather cold hearted and rather selfish is to be ill-disposed: but he was, in general, well respected; for he conducted himself with propriety in the discharge of his ordinary duties. Had he married a more amiable woman, he might have been made still more respectable than he was:—he might even have been made amiable himself; for he was very young when he married, and very fond of his wife. But Mrs. John Dashwood was a strong caricature of himself;—more narrow-minded and selfish.
They are the worst and they married each other. At least they contained the awful?
Mr. John Yates, Mansfield Park:
but Mr. Yates, without discernment to catch Sir Thomas’s meaning, or diffidence, or delicacy, or discretion enough to allow him to lead the discourse while he mingled among the others with the least obtrusiveness himself, would keep him on the topic of the theatre, would torment him with questions and remarks relative to it, and finally would make him hear the whole history of his disappointment at Ecclesford. Sir Thomas listened most politely, but found much to offend his ideas of decorum, and confirm his ill-opinion of Mr. Yates’s habits of thinking, from the beginning to the end of the story; and when it was over, could give him no other assurance of sympathy than what a slight bow conveyed.
This time Jane Austen decided to play on hard mode and destroy Mr. Yates’s character with a single letter. And the contrast with the Crawfords, who having much better social discernment, and got the hell out of Dodge when they heard Sir Thomas was home is just *chef’s kiss*
Sir Walter, Persuasion:
Vanity was the beginning and the end of Sir Walter Elliot’s character; vanity of person and of situation. He had been remarkably handsome in his youth; and, at fifty-four, was still a very fine man… He considered the blessing of beauty as inferior only to the blessing of a baronetcy; and the Sir Walter Elliot, who united these gifts, was the constant object of his warmest respect and devotion.
His [Sir Walter’s] good looks and his rank had one fair claim on his attachment; since to them he must have owed a wife of very superior character to any thing deserved by his own. Lady Elliot had been an excellent woman, sensible and amiable; whose judgement and conduct, if they might be pardoned the youthful infatuation which made her Lady Elliot, had never required indulgence afterwards.
Sir Walter, who is insanely proud of both his looks and rank, has only used them to value once in 54 years of life, which was seducing his wife into marrying him. She made ONE error of judgement IN HER ENTIRE LIFE, and it was HIM.
And taking down two heroines in the first paragraphs of their novels:
No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy would have supposed her born to be an heroine. Her situation in life, the character of her father and mother, her own person and disposition, were all equally against her. –Northanger Abbey
Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her. – Emma
Who else opens two novels by mocking the heroine? Catherine Morland: who is completely unqualified to be the subject of this here novel. The narrator goes on to expound on Catherine’s deficiencies. Emma Woodhouse, well she sounds great, but Austen’s going to throw in the word “seem” to let you know that none of this excessive praise is exactly true.
How can you not love Jane Austen’s writing? It’s a delight.
More:
What’s Wrong with Putting on a Play in Mansfield Park?
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