Everyone Failed Lydia Bennet

Lydia is definietly a wild and annoying young person, but she’s not the sole author of her fate in Pride & Prejudice, no matter what you read online. The narrator in the novel itself spreads the blame for her actions pretty liberally. Lydia was failed, primarily by her parents, and what happened to her followed from their actions. I don’t think the narrator means for us to hate Lydia, but instead to pity her, as both Elizabeth and Jane do.

In fact, the most vicious takedown of Lydia is put in the mouth (letter) of a character we should not respect: Mr. Collins. We already know that his morality is skewed, as he seems to view the collection of tithes and sucking up to Lady Catherine as his primary duties as a clergyman. He writes this of Lydia, “I am inclined to think that her own disposition must be naturally bad, or she could not be guilty of such an enormity, at so early an age.” (Ch 48). However, even he mentions the real cause, “a faulty degree of indulgence”.

Elizabeth feels this strongly, and lays out a good argument for her father on why Lydia should not go to Brighton, “She represented to him all the improprieties of Lydia’s general behaviour, the little advantage she could derive from the friendship of such a woman as Mrs. Forster, and the probability of her being yet more imprudent with such a companion at Brighton, where the temptations must be greater than at home.” (Ch 41). Mr. Bennet dismisses all these great arguments because he is too lazy to deal with Lydia’s disappointment. He is fundementally a lazy parent and does nothing to restrain Lydia, as he has done for a very long time:

Her father, contented with laughing at them, would never exert himself to restrain the wild giddiness of his youngest daughters; and her mother, with manners so far from right herself, was entirely insensible of the evil. Elizabeth had frequently united with Jane in an endeavour to check the imprudence of Catherine and Lydia; but while they were supported by their mother’s indulgence, what chance could there be of improvement?

Mr. Bennet does take responsibility for what happened: ““Who should suffer but myself? It has been my own doing, and I ought to feel it… No, Lizzy, let me once in my life feel how much I have been to blame.” (Ch 50). Lydia has been allowed to run around flirting with officers for months, without any check on her conduct. She does not act within the rules of society, and while Elizabeth and Jane have tried to correct her, Lydia knew they had no real authority. She needed parents and neither of them did their duty. She shouldn’t have been “out” in the first place!

Mrs. Bennet shares the guilt, little as she will accept it: Mrs. Bennet, to whose apartment they all repaired, after a few minutes’ conversation together, received them exactly as might be expected; with tears and lamentations of regret, invectives against the villainous conduct of Wickham, and complaints of her own sufferings and ill-usage; blaming everybody but the person to whose ill-judging indulgence the errors of her daughter must principally be owing. (Ch 47)

Lydia was also failed by Mr. Darcy, who talks about his share of the blame here: “Wickham’s worthlessness had not been so well known as to make it impossible for any young woman of character to love or confide in him. He generously imputed the whole to his mistaken pride, and confessed that he had before thought it beneath him to lay his private actions open to the world.” (Ch 52). We see in Sense & Sensibility Elinor asking everyone who knows him about Willoughby’s character. Character references were important, that is how women knew they were safe in a man’s presence. Darcy knew the truth and he left Meryton and the Bennets in danger, probably because he thought the young women were too poor to be objects of prey to Wickham.

Lydia did make a choice (and certainly the wrong one), but she does not deserve all the blame for what happened. The narrator makes it clear that no one should be surprised by the outcome. Even Lady Catherine said Lydia was likely too young to be out and she hadn’t even met her! Lydia was not taught was what right, she was not taught to control her impulses, and she was put out in the world too young, as Colonel Brandon said in Sense & Sensibility, “But can we wonder that… without a friend to advise or restrain her… she should fall?”

And for those who say that Lydia should have thought about the fates of her sisters before running off with Wickham, I will remind you that sixteen-year-olds are not typically known for their rational decision making. Hence, why Lydia shouldn’t have been out in the first place!

More about Pride & Prejudice:

It’s Not “Modern” to Call Mr. Bennet a Terrible Father

Could Mr. Bennet have Saved Enough for Decent Fortunes on his Income?

Did Mr. Darcy want his Friend Bingley to Marry His Sister?

Darcy Smiles a Lot Actually (even before Pemberley)

Imagining the Regency Era: Mr. Darcy Looks Rich

Lady Catherine, A Sympathetic Character?

The Problem with Portrayals of Mr. Collins

19 responses to “Everyone Failed Lydia Bennet”

  1. Alice McVeigh Avatar
    Alice McVeigh

    V. insightful. It amazes me how grown-ups relish blaming fictional characters, especially the very young ones. It’s as if they’ve forgotten every idiotic thing they ever did as a teen themselves. (My own youthful stupidities, by contrast, are SEARED in my memory, but maybe I’m just odd!!)

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      Teenagers are famously bad at considering consequences! I may not have been the most foolish youth, but I remember being foolish enough. I don’t know why people forget, or maybe they just don’t want to remember.

  2. Lois Avatar
    Lois

    Ah how times change. Now we are all so much more mobile, but yet so much more able to keep intouch with relatives and friends no matter where they might roam.And young ladies are for the most part free to follow their own wishes. We often forget just how recent this is. In Miss Agatha Christie’s novel “A Murder is Announced” which takes place just after the 2nd world war. Miss Jane Marple decries the ability of people moving to a new location where nothing is known of them. Before the war she comments new residents of a village would have letters of introduction to present. In these situations every move could be dissected and discussed. Mistakes in manners and behaviour could easily bring disgrace to a family. Now we have Facebook YouTube and many more. Is this good or bad I at the age of 77 really don’t know! Reputations can be ruined in the click of a computer, and the mud sticks, or there is no smoke without fire, and many more old sayings. At least Lydia’s mistake was confined to a small unimportant few families Now a mistake goes viral I think is the saying. Who is to blame for Lydia. Mrs Bennet would be my choice a less Narcissistic personality would be hard to find, followed by a lazy father, but ultimately we are not given the chance to see how her story ends. Perhaps she is abandoned. Perhaps she is happy with a camp full of soldiers to flirt with. Perhaps a child or two changes her outlook, and she becomes settled to doing right by her own children.

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      In one way, I hope Lydia never changes, because then she would be in hell. She can’t get out of the marriage, so let her be a party girl with a party husband. We know that Elizabeth and Jane will ultimately keep her safe.

  3. Glynis Avatar
    Glynis

    I totally agree with this! It was Mrs Bennet’s indulgence and Mr Bennet’s laziness that allowed Lydia to be out too soon. Then she was encouraged by her mother to flirt with any man available, especially the soldiers! Mrs Bennet was definitely feeble minded to assume that if Lydia granted a man her favours he would immediately marry her! Mr Bennet knew this yet still did nothing! I feel sorry for Lydia being married to a reprobate like Wickham and can only hope that as she’s her mother’s daughter she also will only see and hear what she wants to.

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      Yes, I think the best we can hope for is that Lydia finds a way to be happy. It’s comforting to know that Jane and Elizabeth will support her too.

    2. Lynne Avatar
      Lynne

      Even as silly as Lydia is, she was probably in hell after several years.

      ‘ They were always moving from place to place in quest of a cheap situation, and always spending more than they ought. His affection for her soon sunk into indifference; her’s lasted a little longer; and in spite of her youth and her manners, she retained all the claims to reputation which her marriage had given her.’. Ch. 61

      Since she never seemed to take anything seriously, she might have just continued with her flirtations and been moderately happy, while Wickham ignored her and lived his own life. Perhaps later in life, she would come to see how silly and ignorant she was to marry such a man after years of married life and her looks faded.

      1. bdelleman Avatar
        bdelleman

        Yeah, it’s not a bright future for her unfortunately. Maybe she’ll get lucky and Wickham dies at Waterloo!

  4. Jeff Avatar
    Jeff

    This is a thoughtful piece that has made me reconsider my feelings about Lydia, which previously could summed up as “incandescent rage”. For me her main character flaw standing in the way of my completely absolving her from ill feelings is her utter lack of empathy. She is selfish and cruel to Kitty from the very beginning, she’s utterly mercenary and rude to Mary, and she doesn’t hesitate to put her elder sisters behind her when returning home after her marriage.

    Youth and poor upbringing can forgive a lot, but she does not have the fundamental kindness and empathy so many others around her do, and those characteristics to me are the foundational virtues of most of Austen’s heroines.

    A very good and thoughtful article, thank you for writing it!

  5. jeanstillman Avatar
    jeanstillman

    Good parenting is work! And, that has not changed through the years! Lydia was young and foolish. That certainly was evident in everything she did. Her parents allowed her too much freedom with no consequences for her bad behavior. She was a ticking time bomb. In her continued story, we can only hope for her to mature and make the best of her marriage.

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      Absolutely!

  6. cindie snyder Avatar
    cindie snyder

    I agree. I think Lydia was very spoiled and left to do too much on her own. She should have waited til she was old enough to really appreciate marriage instead of one upping her sisters! As you said she was a teenager!lol

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      It’s very teenager everything she does. She wasn’t ready to be out in the adult world yet!

  7. cindie snyder Avatar
    cindie snyder

    I think Lydia was too free! She should have waited til she was older and more ready instead of one upping her sisters! As you said she was a teenager!lol

  8. Riana Everly Avatar

    You raise some excellent points here, especially the last one. Not only are teenagers not known for their sensible decision-making abilities, this one has had no real guidance in life about what should guide those decisions. She was (as Elizabeth said) stupid and foolish, but she had been left to run wild her whole life; why should she think anything different now?

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      Yeah, when you see how Lydia was raised, it’s hard to expect her to be more rational! The poor girl didn’t have a chance.

  9. Jan Marie Avatar
    Jan Marie

    Let’s not forget, it could have been Georgianna, but no one condemns her. And she only escaped because her guardian (Darcy) was someone she could talk to. And STILL she was almost in Lydia’s position!

    OT – While JA couldn’t know this when she wrote the book, Wickham would very likely have ended up at Waterloo. (We can hope)

    1. bdelleman Avatar
      bdelleman

      You are right, it easily could have been Georgiana! I do hope Wickham went to Waterloo and met an acceptable fate…

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