Calling on friends and family is so important in Austen’s novels, with layers of etiquette that feel foreign to the modern reader. For instance, Harriet’s too-short visit to the Martins is a statement they all understand, and Caroline’s late-return visit tells Jane that the friendship is over. What were the social rules that we can’t see? This month, I’m diving into the etiquette of calling cards and morning calls to find out more about the social propriety of these visits that were such a cornerstone to Austen’s world.
What were calling cards?
If you were anyone in Regency England, then you had a calling card. This was a small card that stated your name, your title if you had one, and the name of your house or district. In later years, they often included your address and the times when you were at home to receive visitors.
Regency era cards were simple, with men’s cards sized small enough to fit into their breast pockets, and ladies’ cards slightly larger. As they gained in popularity, however, calling cards became more elaborate. Ladies’ Victorian era cards could be glossy, cut into shapes, or fringed with lace.
Who invented calling cards?
Calling cards originated in China in the 16th century. British traveler John Barrow, after an extended stay in Asia, wrote that “visiting by tickets” had been popular for “thousands of years.” France adopted the idea in the mid-18th century, and from there, calling cards spread throughout Europe and later to the U.S.
What were calling cards for?
The purpose of calling cards was to provide a physical marker that you stopped by, lest the servants forget to mention your visit. This is more useful than you might think: Remember that long ago time before cell phones, when that boy whose call you’d been waiting for finally rang, and your sister forgot to tell you and RUINED YOUR LIFE? Imagine if your sister had pulled that stunt in the Regency era, when, although only 16, you really might have married that boy. (And now I’m thinking about how many fights could have been avoided with my siblings if only calling cards had still been around.)
Calling cards were kept on a silver tray (called a salver) by the front door so that other visitors could see who called on you.
Mr. Nobody? That card goes on the bottom of the pile. But Lord Rich and Popular? His card goes right on top. Thus, another purpose of calling cards was quiet name dropping, which is classier than our current, more vocal system. Instead of having to tell everyone that story about how you saw Brad Pitt at a restaurant once and he made eye contact and you totally had a moment, the Regency upper class just quietly marched every visitor past the salver with Lord Rich and Popular’s card on full display. Silent superiority: so much classier.
How did the calling card system work?
A calling card is a request for a return visit (and if you don’t get a return visit, you’ve been snubbed). Ideally, the return visit should happen the next day, but if it’s later, it should at least be within the week. Caroline waited three weeks to return Jane’s visit—clearly slighting her.
If you’d like to take a social gamble, you can leave your card with the servant and wait outside to see if you are received immediately. The longer the wait, the more likely the mistress is at home and debating whether she’s up for your questionable company. If the servant returns to tell you the mistress is “not at home,” proper etiquette dictates that you pretend to believe this, even though you can see her through the window, and it’s obvious to the whole neighborhood that she’d rather finish her needlepoint than spend 15 minutes with you. That’s why many people opted to drop off the card and wait at home for the return visit.
What happens if you’re the one receiving the calling card from your annoying neighbor? If you opt to be “not at home,” etiquette calls for you to return the visit, even if you can’t stand that guy. This is similar to our modern habit of “liking” every social media post, including the dumb ones, because not “liking” something is akin to public shaming.
How long should the visit last?
If you are received, you should stay 15-20 minutes. Staying less than 15 minutes is offensive. (Emma retrieves Harriet from the Martins after exactly 15 minutes, the minimum amount of time allowed without being considered rude, and the Martins understand that Harriet is merely checking this visit off her list.) If you stay 30 minutes, you have again committed a social gaff and overstayed your welcome. If other guests come calling after you, you should leave first to let the others visit.
When should you call?
Morning calls took place between 1 and 4 (so, not in the morning). This is because “morning” referred to the time between breakfast and dinner. If you came too early, you disrupted the woman’s morning routine, and if you came too late, you were angling for a dinner invitation, which was rude.
What should you talk about?
Well, here’s what you couldn’t talk about: scandal or gossip, personal or direct questions, compliments or comments on someone’s dress (too impertinent), pregnancy, childbirth, or bodily functions.
That left comments on the weather, inquiries into the health of family members not present, fashion, or upcoming social events. If only men were present, they could also talk about horses, hunting and business or money matters. (Of course, a closer intimacy with the caller meant the conversation could be more personal.)
What food was served?
People with less money served cake or baked apples. Richer society served cold meats, sandwiches, or fruits. But…no one served tea! Tea was expensive, and with callers coming every 15 minutes, even the rich couldn’t afford to throw it away, despite what we see in the movies. If a hostess served tea, it was out of extreme kindness to a friend or a desire to impress—or because the tea leaves were used, smuggled, or mixed with bark, leaves, or animal poop. So, okay. No tea is a good thing here.
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Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your comments. What do you think of this bygone era of the social call? Does it sound fun to relax at home and receive visitors, or stressful to spend your morning entertaining whoever drops in?
This was a bigger topic than I realized, and there was so much more I could have said. If you’re interested, here are some good sites on the topic:
Morning Calls and Social Visits: Socializing in the Regency Era
Calling Cards & Paying Social Calls: Socializing in Georgian England
Morning Calls in the Regency–a Regency History Guide
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