A Preview from “Such I Was”

Happy two days after Christmas! For those who observe the holiday, I hope you celebrated with family, friends, and lots of love! A joyous season to all!

Today I would like to share an except from my newest story, Such I Was. In this P&P variation Elizabeth does not love Darcy when he proposes at Hunsford. But after Jane has her heart broken by Bingley she swears off ever marrying anyone, and Elizabeth realizes that it is up to her to marry well and save her family. So she accepts Darcy’s proposal and marries him, determined that the besotted Darcy will never discover her true motives for accepting him. Darcy, of course, is clueless. The scene below takes place at the end of her first full day at Pemberley. I hope you’ll tell me what you think of it!

As Darcy lit one candle after another she found herself immersed in a room nearly filled with row upon row of shelves, and the shelves all filled with books. Indeed, the air itself seemed infused with the scents of ink and old paper. A few stray volumes lay strewn on an oversized table nearby. “This is my favorite room in the entire house. Do you like it?” Darcy asked eagerly, his eyes on her face.

She clasped her hands in delight, circling in place to take it all in. “Caroline Bingley said she would be miserable if she had a house without an excellent library. I believe even she would approve of this room.”

“Caroline Bingley said a great many things,” Darcy answered, with a touch of humor. “Perhaps she even meant some of them.”

“She said most of them to gain your attention, you know. She was determined that she would be the one to receive your proposal of marriage, not me.”

“Whereas you said most of the things you did in order to turn me away, I am sure.”

She raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction. “I have rarely been so unsuccessful in any endeavor. Why did you decide to pursue me if you were so convinced of my dislike for you?”

“The real question is, why did you decide to accept me?” he countered with a smile.

Too late, she realized that they had entered dangerous territory. She must be clever if she wanted to preserve Darcy’s illusion of a marriage of love, along with her own sense of honor. “Not a fair question! I asked you first; therefore you must answer me. If you believed that I did not like you, what made you decide to marry me?”

“You were not like other women. Other women thought and acted for my attention and approval alone, but not you. You were different, and I came to admire that difference.”

“Did you also admire my impertinence, and the poor manners I used when addressing you? For you must admit, it was often very little less.”

“I did not think of you in those terms. I only knew that I was tired of the deference and officious attention I received on nearly every hand. Other women only wanted to marry me because of my money; but there was nothing mercenary about you. I came to want to be with you more and more, and eventually my desire overruled my previous objections.”

“And that was when you fell in love with me?”

“I do not recall the day, or the look or the hour. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.” His warm, dark eyes were fixed on her with a look of open admiration.

Why was she dwelling on such an uncomfortable topic? It felt dishonest to listen to such words of devotion from him when she could not return them. She needed to change the subject. “Have you read all of these?” she asked, sweeping her arm to take in the entire room.

He followed her glance. “I have not spent nearly as much time here in recent years as I did when I was younger. After my father died I had many demands on my time and then I fell out of the habit.”

She gave him a half playful, half chiding look. “Books are friends, not habits, and like friends, they should not be neglected on any account.”

“Then with your encouragement, I shall be happy to renew the acquaintance. Georgiana is a great reader but her taste and mine do not often coincide. You and I, however, will have many points to discuss on whatever volumes catch your interest.”

She glanced around again. “There are so many to choose from! I do not even know where to start.”

“If there are any titles you would like to add, simply inform Mrs. Reynolds and she will send to town for them at once. Anything that I can give you or get you, you have but to ask.”

His generous offer aroused a wave of guilt. Darcy was devoted to her. His only thought was to ensure her happiness while she was using him for her own ends. How could she possibly keep up this façade?

Darcy’s brow furrowed and he stepped closer to her. “My love, what is wrong?”

“I- I feel the start of a megrim,” she fumbled. It was a weak excuse but it would have to do.

“Of course, I should have realized.” He was immediately solicitous. “It has been a long day and you have taken in so much. No wonder you are fatigued. Perhaps we should retire now.”

His earnestness made her feel even worse. “I think I would like that. Fitzwilliam . . .” she hesitated. “I hope you know that I will always do my best to make you happy.”

“My dearest Elizabeth.” He came to her then and pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. “You already have.”

Poor Elizabeth. And poor Darcy! How will he react when he finds out that his wife did, in fact, marry him for his money? You will have to wait and find out! In the meantime, thank you for leaving a comment and letting me know what you think of this excerpt! See you in the new year!