Recently, I’ve read some posts about reimagining Pride and Prejudice through texts or social media messages—and Lelia Eye did a fun one recently. I loved the idea, so I said to my husband, “I’m going to do that too!”
“But you’re not at all into social media,” he said.
This is true. But I’m not one to be bothered with facts. “I’m doing it anyway!” I told Andy.
But then I realized I don’t actually know any texting acronyms beyond LOL. And can we call the sideways smiley face delightfully retro instead of totally out of touch?
New idea: Below are some P & P text conversations from somewhere around 1999, which is about where I am in my knowledge of these newfangled technologies. Enjoy!
Mrs. B: It’s true! Mr. Bingley is gone! You must all be kind to your sister since her hopes were so viciously dashed. All that beauty come to nothing! Oh, my poor nerves. Now what will become of us?
Eliza: Mom. Jane is on this chain.
Lyds: What are you missing most, Jane? That hot bod or the 5,000 pounds, lol.
Mary: The public nature of it all was perhaps most painful, although the money is not immaterial.
Kitty: She was kidding, Mary. But thanks for the full analysis.
Mr. B: James, please remember to order my cigars.
Eliza: Wrong chain again, Dad.
Bingley: So?? What happened??
Darcy: She said no.
Bingley: What?! Did you say that line I told you about how much you ardently admire and love her?
Darcy: Yes. But I also said…other things.
Bingley: Like what? Whatever you said, we can fix it.
Darcy: Well. Like how her family is beneath me.
Bingley: Beneath you how? Financially?
Darcy: And intellectually.
Darcy: So?? Are you going to help me? How can I fix it?
Bingley: Are you sure you don’t like Caroline? She seems really into you!
Kitty: I CAN’T BELIEVE you got married without asking me to be your MOH.
Lyds: I know! LOL! We just ran away and did it! Isn’t that wild?
Eliza: Wild is one word for it.
Jane: Are you ok? Is he treating you alright?
Lyds: Last night was more than alright, lol.
Mr. Bennet has left the chain.
Mrs. B: My beautiful daughter! Married! Come home soon so we can go shopping!
Lyds: As if I haven’t done that already, lol.
Eliza: With that card Mom and Dad gave you? That was for emergencies. How much did you spend?
Lyds: Worried I didn’t leave enough for your old maid fund, lol?
Mary: Let us take this time to reflect on how fragile a woman’s reputation is and how, once lost, it is lost forever.
Lyds: Let’s reflect on how all the money in the world won’t be enough for Mary’s old maid fund.
Bingley: What happened? I sat by Jane, and there you were at the farthest end of the table from Elizabeth.
Darcy: Yeah. I didn’t talk to her.
Darcy: I was nervous. But, well. I looked at her. And she looked at me.
Bingley: How’d that go for you?
Darcy: She didn’t kick me out or say I wasn’t a gentleman. So…pretty good?
Bingley: Did you read that blog I sent you, about social skills?
Darcy: Skimmed it. Why?
Bingley: No reason at all. But, here. Just sent it again.
Darcy: I’m going to ask her again.
Bingley: Again? No. Why would you do that?
Darcy: Didn’t you hear? She told off Aunt Cat.
Bingley: Right. So every time Aunt Cat makes a woman mad, you’re going to propose to her? Because I’m pretty sure polygamy’s illegal, jsyk.
Darcy: You don’t get it. This means she’s into me.
Bingley: At least practice your proposal this time so you don’t botch it again.
Darcy: No need. She likes me. I’ve got this.
Bingley: Just sending that blog along again.
Darcy: She said YES!
Bingley: Congratulations! You wooed her with words? Swept her off her feet?
Darcy: I threw a bunch of money at her sister and Wickham.
Darcy: She was really grateful. So was her dad.
Darcy: I tried to be myself. It didn’t work. So I went with this instead.
Bingley: OK. Well. Congratulations?
One last exchange between my husband and me.
Me: This is so fun! I should rewrite Pride and Prejudice all through these text conversations! I don’t have to describe anything or even use full sentences. It’s ALL DIALOGUE.
Andy: You? Text lingo? For a full book? LMAO
Me: What’s that mean? It’s appropriate for my Austen blog, right? Because I’m putting it in.
Me: OK, now I just think you’re typing random letters. That’s what you’re doing, right? Right? Andy?
What year are you in with social media and technology? My students tell me FB is for old people (and I just wanted credit for getting off Myspace). They use TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. It is the goal of my life to be trendy, so I went ahead and updated my FB picture to something from this decade. Nailed it!