Previously, I posted some Pride and Prejudice text conversations, and for this post, I’m giving that another go…again with P&P. This is totally and completely because I love that book and not at all because I couldn’t think of anything clever for the other books. Like last time, assume I’m about a decade behind in the text lingo.
Bingley: Are you so excited for the ball tonight?
Darcy: Meh.
Bingley: The Bennet sisters are going. I heard they’re so hot they can smoke a beehive just by walking near it.
Darcy: OK, where did you get that? Did you make it up yourself?
Bingley: What are you wearing? I’ve changed my outfit like five times already.
Darcy: Or did someone in this town say it to you?
Bingley: I’m going with my grey jacket. Final answer. Unless you think I should wear the black one?
Darcy: Someone in this town did say it, didn’t they? See, that’s why I told you to check the area out before you just up and move here.
Bingley: Nm. The grey jacket makes my shoulders look weird.
I’m overthinking this, aren’t I?
I mean, it’s not like I’m going to meet the woman I’m going to marry tonight.
Darcy: Did you even look for a place in Lambton? No one talks like that in Lambton.
***
Collins: Hello wifey!
Lizzy: I told you not to call me that. We’re not getting married.
Collins: LOL!
Lizzy: I totally hate it when I say something serious, and you say LOL.
Collins: It’s cute the way you throw your womanly authority around before our marriage.
But Elizabeth? It won’t be cute after our marriage, FYI.
Lizzy: That’s why we are NOT getting married.
Collins: LOL!
***
Bingley: So?? What happened??
Darcy: She said no.
Bingley: No? To you? But you’re so rich.
Darcy: That’s what I said!
Bingley: You didn’t.
Darcy: No, of course not. I just said I was richer than her.
Bingley: Darcy.
Darcy: What?
It’s the truth.
I’m richer than you too. I don’t see you getting all mad about it.
Bingley?
***
Collins: Hi wifey!
Charlotte: Hi. I’m helping Maria with something right now. I’ll talk to you later.
Collins: Bye wifey!
***
Darcy: So I fixed everything.
Bingley: She said she wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on Earth. How did you fix that?
Darcy: I wrote her an email!
Bingley: Really. What’d you say?
Darcy: Well, first I told her not to worry that I was going to propose again since that made her dry heave last time.
Bingley: How romantic?
Darcy: Right? Reverse psychology!
Bingley: What else did you say?
Darcy: I said this one thing that I can’t tell you about it. But it was really good. Then I said this other thing that, oh. I can’t tell you about that either.
Bingley: And then?
Darcy: And then I put a cat meme because who doesn’t love a good cat meme?
Darcy: So? What do you think?
Bingley: Uh, sounds like you nailed it.
Darcy: Yes!! Should I book the church now or wait a day?
Nm. Just booked it!
Thanks for reading! I love comments, and every psychological study says it’s super healthy to define my self-worth by them, so comment away!
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