P & P & ROFL

Previously, I posted a few text conversations I’d written for Pride and Prejudice. (You can find one of those past blogs here.) I had so much fun with it that I decided to go all in and write a novella full of P&P text conversations. I’m calling it P & P & LOL!

I’m sure you can see where this is going. That’s right. That book is not ready to purchase and what follows is not an excerpt from that book.

But it is some P&P text conversations as a warmup. Think of it as a Pride and Prejudice pre-game show.

Charlie: That Jane girl is hot. I’m going to ask her to dance. Why don’t you dance with her sister Lizzy?

Darcy: Why?

So we could dance with two sisters and then go on double dates and eventually have a double wedding?

Charlie: OK, that is NOT what I was thinking.

But how do you feel about Cannon in D? Too traditional?

Darcy: Just go ask Jane to dance, Charlie.

Charlie: You’re cool with the chicken dance at the reception, right? It’s not a wedding without the chicken dance.

***

Lady C: That jacket you were wearing today was hideous.

Collins: My jacket and I are aggrieved that we offended you and will spend the rest of the day cloistered in a dark room with our shame.

Lady C: You said you’d mow my lawn this afternoon.

Collins: We will take a brief pause from our self-loathing to mow your lawn.

Lady C: Good.

I was thinking you should marry.

Someone not too pretty.  Or smart.  Or rich.

Collins: So, someone ugly and dumb and…poor?

Lady C: Yes! That’s spot on. Wear the jacket when you go looking for her. That jacket would definitely attract the kind of woman you’re looking for.

***

Mrs. B: Good news! I invited Charlie over for dinner.  And also that friend of his we all hate.

Lizzy: How is this good news? And why are you only texting me about it?

Mrs. B: Because now Charlie will fall in love with Jane, obviously!  Once he tastes my meatloaf, he’ll be hopelessly in love. My meatloaf does that to people, you know. Some people call it the Lovin’ Loaf.

Lizzy: Absolutely no one calls it that.

And what about Darcy?

Mrs. B: You’ll hang out with him, obviously.

Lizzy: No. Why would I want to do that?

Mrs. B: Lizzy, you are too funny.  I didn’t ask what you wanted!

Lizzy: Mom. I am NOT hanging out with Darcy OR your Lovin’ Loaf.

Mrs. B: Lol, I told you everyone calls it that.

***

Charlotte: I’m marrying Jonathan Collins. I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t want a lecture from you about it.

Lizzy: OK.

Congratulations.

Charlotte: Thank you.

And before you say it, no. There’s nothing I’d change about him.

Lizzy: OK.

Except…

Charlotte: WHAT.

Lizzy: Could you at least get him to stop wearing that jacket? It looks like someone slaughtered a bunch of innocent bats and then sewed their lifeless bodies together. Except it was someone who’s REALLY bad at sewing lifeless bat bodies.

Charlotte: Oh, yeah. I’m totally burning that jacket the next time he leaves the house.

***

Charlie: So?? What’d she say?

Darcy: Well.

She said I’m a total snob.

And antisocial.

And that I think I’m better than everyone, including all of her family.

Charlie: Darn.

All true, but I was hoping your money would make up for it.

Darcy: I feel like you forgot the LOL at the end of that?

Charlie: Do you think you could win her over?

Darcy: I think so. I’m hopeful.

Charlie: Cool, me too.

I mean, it’s not like she said you were the last man on Earth she’d ever marry.

Or that she’d never consider you a gentleman.

That’s when you really know there’s NO chance, right?  And that she HATES your guts.

So, great!  Double wedding, here we come!

Darcy: Um.  I’m thinking maybe don’t send the Save the Date cards yet.

***

Thanks for reading! And stayed tuned for the release of my texting novella, P & P & LOL!